Overload
By AJ O’Brien.
I know a man with a plan
to kill as many people as he can.
His mind, damaged and erratic,
the gun, fully automatic.
Armed and ready to go
I held him within, screaming no.
I fought him tooth and nail
knowing I must not fail.
But he drinks from the inner me
our lust for a killing spree.
I put the gun to his head
pulled the trigger. And we lay dead.
And the room fell quiet
just another empty riot.
But he was brave,
so many lives he did save.
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A truly unique poem with a perfect ending. Damn, I’m jealous!
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I’m humbled.
Thank you for your wonderful comments.
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I am amazed at the skill with which you portrayed such a complicated mental state. A very well-written piece 🙂
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Such a wonderful comment.
Thank you very much. 😊
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You’re welcome 🙂
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Very heavy, indeed, and tremendously well-written! Kudos to you and your undeniable talent!
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Thank you so much.
I appreciate your kind words.
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Sorry if I sound rude. It is just that I know about this kind of violence. And there is no use denying it. It is and we need to see it. So, thank you!
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You certainly are not rude.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
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I cannot say, I enjoyed it very much. But I felt it. It is a powerful piece.
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Thank you so much.
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Be brave.
The darkness
is always hungry
and remember your
own soul needs to
be nourished, too.
Be safe.
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Thank you.
I hope you enjoyed the poem.
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Many Thanks. You’re very kind.
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Cleverly done!
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Nice !!
Well written !!
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Thank you so much.
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Another wonderful share, so many great comments I enjoy reading. Thanks for stopping by my blog again and liking some of my book reviews, always so appreciated 🙂 Take care till next time, Val.
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Thank you so much.
And you’re welcome.
I enjoy visiting your site.
All the best. Alan.
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I wonder if serial killers ever think of saving lives by taking their own? Your poem made me ponder this question.
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Many Thanks Candice.
And a very good question.
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I love the rhyme, and also, the cadence, meter or speaking flow (whatever you call it). For example,
His mind, damaged and erratic,
the gun, fully automatic.
I work with the Severely Mentally Ill every week. Adequate Mental Health services will save more lives, so it doesn’t have to come to this.
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Thank you very much James.
And you’re right. It doesn’t have to come
to this. But, sometimes it does.
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This is sad, heroic, uncomfortable. It makes me think, “what would I do in if in that situation?” (note: did you mean “quite or quiet?”
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Many Thanks James.
And thank you so much for pointing
out my spelling error. I shall rectify it immediately.
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Humor and darkness – a perfect combination. And, as Poet Rummager said, the theme of good and evil battling inside a person’s mind is what adds toxicity to this poem. And depth.
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A wonderful comment.
Much appreciated. Thank you.
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You welcome!
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Brilliant, blessings my friend
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Thank you so much.
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Super good Alan, and perfect for the times we are living in.
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Many Thanks Michele.
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I’ve got goosies, Alan, gooooooosies! The struggle between good and evil is a constant battle, but man, if it’s happening inside us, that just makes it so much more toxic! Looooooove it🖤💜💓
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Thank you ever so much dear Rose.
Goosies. I love that word. No more goose bumps
for me. Goosies it shall be. 💕
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This was your most powerful yet! I really wish we could figure out a way to identify and help those who want to do this, but so far, the solution you suggest seems to be the only option. And that is beyond sad….. Thanks for the insight Alan. It reminds us all that we need to do better. Plus, this poem, as all your others, stands on it own just for its literary merit.
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Thank you so very much Ann.
An awesome comment.
And you’re so right. The situation
is beyond sad.
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Well done, Alan, especially in light of all the pointless shootings that take place these days. What a wonderful line: “And the room fell quiet, just another empty riot.” I found your closing darkly humorous.
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Such a wonderful comment.
Thank you Anna.
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I think my comment got lost when sent…I’ll try again.
So many minds out there running on overload…so, so sad. I wish we were wise enough to recognize and treat the cause, before seeing the effect.
A sobering piece, Alan. Well done.
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Thank you very much Kaddie.
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Always my pleasure. 😊
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Dayuum! You have a gift indeed, HL
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You’re too kind Rita. Thank you.
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😊
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I remember this one well, Alan. Another classic.
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Many Thanks Oglach.
Much appreciated.
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